It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
