the day after is always just damage control
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
