I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
