The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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