My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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