so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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