Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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