My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
