I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"