You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"