either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.