Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day

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(914): View more from New York

getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.

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(314): View more from Missouri

he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

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(646): View more from New York

She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."

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23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Read it at the TFLN blog
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

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(816): View more from Missouri

He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

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(949): View more from California

We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.

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(941): View more from Florida

Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night

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