I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
