would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
