I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
