Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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