If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Come share oat with me in your robe
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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