whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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