That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
