Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize