Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
