Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
