blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize