im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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