The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
