His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
