I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
