Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
