Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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