Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I could make wine with my vomit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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