Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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