When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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