i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
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She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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