Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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