Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
