White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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