when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
