Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
What drink are we having for lunch?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
