I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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