after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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