you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
