Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
