I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
