That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
