Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
