Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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