I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He shit in the fireplace
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
