Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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