When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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