Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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