Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
