well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
