he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's the barista slut.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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