Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
