we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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