dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
