Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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