we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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