She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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