Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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