hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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