Christians are straight up FREAKS
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it hurts more in the daytime
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
