cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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