He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there was a trapeze. enough said
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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