Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
