And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
